Greetings, Miss MannersFive other pastors work alongside me as the pastor of a medium-sized church with roughly 500 members. While I was on vacation this summer, a churchgoer vehemently chastised the staff for failing to notice that she had been absent for eight Sundays. In a lengthy tirade on social media, this young lady chastised us for our carelessness.
To be fair, we don’t take roll, and many other church staff and members took vacations during the weeks she was away.
We were only made aware of this outburst when a few churchgoers brought it up and forwarded us a copy, as she had unfriended every employee. In response to her article, a number of other members defended the staff and questioned the propriety of using this platform for criticism. It didn’t have much of an impact on our community life, and nobody else is upset.
I have not responded, as my deacon chair advised. She openly attacked us, which I didn’t believe was fair; before this, I would have thought of this woman as a friend. Although I find it annoying that this critique is not addressed, most readers are probably aware of this kind of immaturity.
Do I have to answer? I doubt I could politely express that I felt her post was unjust and disrespectful, but I could absolutely apologize for not noting her absence.
PERSONAL READER:Or you may ask Miss Manners a question in response. However, she would have to clarify that this is just a new kind of rudeness, similar to what the young woman said online.
She believes your question to be sincere and is not accusing you of this. However, she would definitely advise against answering the initial provocation.
Greetings, Miss MannersIs it your duty to inform others that you are on speakerphone? Often, background noise makes it hard to tell.
A speakerphone is most likely OK if there is another person present but out of earshot. However, there is an issue if I am speaking to someone that is exclusively intended for their ears.
In one case, I began discussing a hidden gift without realizing the recipient was present until the person I had phoned informed me that I was on speaker. I didn’t know.
Do I have to ask every time I’m on the phone?
PERSONAL READER:For the same reason that a good host should smooth the carpeting when she notices that it has curled up and is likely to trip the next guest who walks by, one should alert the other person on the phone that they are on speaker: Compared to gathering up the pieces later, it requires less effort.
Yes, Miss Manners would develop the practice of inquiring if the individuals you are calling are unaware of this.
Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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