Greetings, AbbyMy spouse has four grown children: three from his late wife and one from his first marriage. What drama! Who speaks to whom? Who is intolerable to whom? When one of them pays us a visit, who gets irritated? They might be best friends one day and then stab each other in the back the next.
My spouse has recently expressed his desire to see all of his grandchildren as well as his four children. I believe the only occasion I’ll see all of my children in one place is when they attend my funeral. That’s exactly what he said.
It’s almost my husband’s milestone birthday. I’ve considered bringing all of the children and grandchildren to a surprise birthday celebration for him at a restaurant. I’ve considered sending a note to each of them via email or text message, explaining their father’s intentions and requesting that they be polite to each other for a few hours in his honor. I also want them to understand that they shouldn’t accept the invitation if they are unable to accomplish it.
Abby, what do you think? Or should we go out to supper together and I abandon the party idea?– A STEPMOM IN NEED OF PEACE
DEAR STEPMOM:I believe it’s a great idea for your husband’s family to get together and celebrate his milestone birthday. His grown children don’t always behave like grownups, so please don’t throw out the idea. You should extend an invitation to everyone, remind them that this joyous occasion should not be used as a platform for complaining, and then hope that they would rise to the occasion.
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I think the fire with my fiance is burning out
Greetings, AbbyMy now-fiance and I have been together for eight years. He is five years younger than me. I’m not sure if he’s still in love with me, but I know he loves me. He claims to be, of course, but occasionally I get the impression that he’s just at ease with me. He no longer exhibits the same level of affection.
I’ve often expressed that I feel like my only purpose in being here is to help him with outside chores, cooking, and cleaning. We no longer even hold meaningful talks. They are constantly focused on HIM. When I express my feelings to him, things only temporarily improve before returning to their previous state. Although they are rare, there are moments of joy. I need your opinion.– Having doubts in Michigan
Greetings, DoubtingThe passion has been known to wane after eight years of dating and routine to take over. In order to enjoy each other more and miss each other a little, you two might need some time apart. You might also have something fresh to discuss after that brief period of separation.
Think about engaging in activities that you can do together, like learning a new sport or going on a day trip. Additionally, dividing or sharing the tasks you mentioned—like cooking, cleaning, and yard work—might make you feel less privileged. You have been doing all the heavy lifting, based on what you have written.
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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, wrote Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, created the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
