To Annie, please:Despite having asthma, my spouse is in excellent health and will turn 60 on his next birthday. Our 27-year-old daughter struggles to manage her life and money. My husband has helped her move four times before, and she recently requested him to do it again. Even though it was only the two of them moving everything, he concurred.
It was 98 degrees when they transported her into the new apartment, which is three flights of steps up. It took a few hours, and he arrived home around ten o’clock. This, in my opinion, was incredibly self-centered and careless of our daughter. She made this request two days prior to the transfer, which is typical of her lack of consideration.
Although my husband is an excellent father, I believe he should establish some limits with our kid. I expressed my opinion that her request was unreasonable. He made it plain that he would move her again if she asked again in the future. She will keep using him until he stops, which worries me. She usually only contacts us when she needs something. Is it inappropriate for me to request that she employ someone to move her in the future? Depleted in Texas
You’re not out of line, dear used up. Since your daughter is now closer to 30 than 20, she should be handling her own moving or, if necessary, hiring assistance. She won’t, however, as long as your husband continues to say yes.
Speak to your husband once more before facing your daughter. Tell him that you are concerned about his welfare and that he is enabling rather than truly assisting your daughter by picking up the pieces whenever she needs them. It’s time to show her some rough love. Encourage him to put himself first and establish limitations, such as shorter moving days with restrictions on what he lifts and plenty of warning, if he persists on helping her with future moves.
To Annie, please:I am a mature adult, as is my long-term partner. He insists on eating all of his home-cooked meals in bed, which is my concern. Imagine preparing a lovely dinner, but your significant other refuses to eat at the table, preferring to load up a bowl and dine in bed while watching television. Since he could miss something on TV, there is no conversation. To eat with him in the interim, I balance my plate on my lap while perched on a stool. I have to eat and clean the kitchen by myself while he’s stuck to the boob tube after putting in the effort to prepare a delicious dinner!
Even though there is a TV in the dining room that he watches while eating, he complains when he does sit at the table to eat, which is not often. He can eat at a table just as well as he does when we go out to eat or visit friends’ houses. Strangely enough, he will feel sad for someone if he sees them eating by themselves. But I’m compelled to eat by myself in our house. What am I supposed to do? The Only Diner
To the Lone Diner:This goes beyond your boyfriend’s decision to eat in bed; it’s about him putting his comfort and tastes ahead of interacting with you and spending time together. While he hasn’t had to do anything, you have given up what you want to make room for him.
Since you are this man’s partner and not his waiter, you should feel valued and appreciated in your relationship. Directly communicate to your boyfriend that you would want to have supper together two or three nights a week, without any interruptions, at the dining table, and without the use of television. It might be time to cease cooking for two if he refuses to compromise and give in to your modest request.
Annie Lane’s “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is her second anthology. Available in paperback and e-book formats, it includes popular essays on marriage, adultery, communication, and reconciliation. For additional information, go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com. For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].
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