Greetings, Miss MannersI would either relocate my place card or accompany my wife out of the celebration if I discovered that we were seated apart.
Protecting and being faithful to their spouse are the two main responsibilities that married couples and, it may be argued, dating couples have that take precedence over their obligation to the host of the event. Neither of these is fulfilled by separating couples. Parties are frequently unsafe in both areas, particularly when alcohol is consumed.
PERSONAL READER:It’s unclear if the issue is that your wife is unreliable, your friends are dangerous, or you all have a tendency to drink excessively. It might be any of them.
Miss Manners can only sympathize with you. People with good intentions are assumed by general societal traditions, not in such extreme and regrettable situations.
Greetings, Miss MannersI’ve thought about this issue for years and have considered both perspectives. However, in general, I think calling a serving tray a silver-plated serving tray seems strange and even offensive, especially if it was a gift.
My mother-in-law, whom I loved and treasured, experienced this. She worked hard to have a little income after becoming a widow at an early age. When it was just her and her son (my husband), she was able to lead a pleasant and contented life. She always made an effort to give considerate gifts and had exquisite taste.
After her brother’s death, my MIL’s relationship with his wife and children became strained. Her brother was quite wealthy. A great deal of animosity and jealousy existed. Although my MIL did not attend the wedding of his daughter (my husband’s cousin), he did send a beautiful serving dish as a present.
“Thank you for the silver-plated tray,” the bride said in a thank-you note.
Was that a subtle jab? It was cemented when my mother-in-law became quite outraged and wounded. She didn’t interact with her brother’s family any more.
In my thank-you notes for my wedding presents, I never specified the material of the presents. However, I continue to question if that was impolite or not.
PERSONAL READER:Miss Manners assumes that pointing out that silver plate can be valuable—even more so than some sterling silver objects, in the case of early Sheffield pieces—would not be helpful.
A distinction between a simple description, a potential offense, and an insult so heinous as to necessitate a breakup within the family should have been made here. The optimum course of action would have been to assume the best.
Instead of thinking about this, though, you could have encouraged your mother-in-law to let it go instead of reacting the way she did, or if that was not feasible, to find out if the niece was upset with the present.
Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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